Category Archives: Bloggish

Why You Are Still Single: A Facetious Article that Lists Everything You Are Doing Wrong and What You Can Do to Remedy the Situation According to Science

 

Ladies everywhere!

Want to know why you, fabulous you with all your charms, are still single?

This article has all the solutions to problems you weren’t even aware  that you have. For instance, did you know that women who liked math more than any other subject in school have a statistically higher chance of finding Mr. Right by their mid twenties? (This is all according to a study done at The University You Couldn’t Possibly Afford, so it must be Absolute Truth).

But you can’t be TOO mathematical, as other studies confirm that women who preferred majors in the humanities have happier marriages in the end.

But I’m not interesting in ensnaring a boyfriend, you might say. Read on! This article is for you, too, whether you want advice on snatching a significant other or not.

The next reason you are still single is because you are wearing too much makeup. Take off your makeup—men like the natural look.

But I’m not wearing any makeup, and I’m still single, you might say…

Well put on some makeup! Clearly you are not putting enough effort into your look.

But you can’t go crazy—no super bright eye shadows or super dark eyeliners. Not too much mascara. In other words, only wear makeup that makes you look like you’re not wearing any makeup. You need to blend in to the crowd a bit more.

But you actually need to stand out from the crowd a bit more. Science (from only God Knows Where) shows that women who are willing to wear ultra bright colors display that they are more confident than other women. The reason you are clearly single is because you are not confident enough. God forbid you are even just a bit shy around new people or slightly reserved—you might as well give up right now and go adopt yourself a bunch of cats.

Actually pet adoption boosts your chances of finding a great relationship, because altruism is the ultimate attractive quality, studies from various Scandinavian countries show. And you know you can trust all studies from Scandinavian countries.

You are also still single because of your food choices. A recent study from The University You Couldn’t Possibly Afford showed pictures of young women eating various types of meals to young men and had them rate the pictures for God Knows What Reason (and what Tenured Ass Hats are being paid to conduct such a study, anyway?). The participants of the study consistently gave higher ratings to women who were eating hot wings rather than the women eating salads. Therefore you need to eat more meat, because an unknown number of men gave higher ratings for reasons that aren’t even spelled out here to pictures of women eating hot wings in a study that isn’t even properly cited in this ridiculously, scientifically accurate article.

Actually, you need to eat more fruits and vegetables—because scurvy is NOT attractive. And everyone knows because of that study done in Germany several years ago that Vegetarians statistically have happier relationships.

Your being single has nothing to do with you being at a certain stage of your life or because it is by your own choice. Oh no—you are still single because you are too mysterious. Men do not like mystery. You must clearly spell out everything you are thinking or feeling at every moment to your prospective significant other—otherwise they will think you are playing hard to get and they’ll lose interest immediately. For instance, when you walk into a new room you must announce, “This room makes me feel happy,” or “This room makes me feel sleepy,” or “This room makes me want to go for ice cream, but not have to pay for the ice cream.” This is certain to captivate them.

But you can’t give too much away. Ladies, save all the excessive emotions for your diaries or solo viewings of The Notebook. Guys don’t like it when girls get too emotional—you have to appear to be human without actually being human. That’s the trick.

If you don’t find Mr. Right with all these marvelous tips, then you must not be trying hard enough. Or trying too hard—stop putting in so much effort! You have to put in effort without actually appearing to put in effort.

 

Let it be known that Molly Miller, the author of this facetious web article, put no effort into researching for this article, loathes the movie The Notebook, loves her adopted dog, wears too much makeup, and is still single.

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My Facetious Resume

Molly Miller: Professional Resume

Phone: 555-555-5555 Address: State of Delusion Email: fakersgonnafake@fake.edu

Education: B.A. Stephen F. Austin, 2012; M.S. UT Austin 2014

Professional Experience:

Broke College Student, 2008—Present

Department: English Literature

Job Duties: Crying over my eighth consecutive meal of Ramen Noodles, bemoaning my future in a capitalist society, bargain hunting like a BAMF.

Key Mistress, 2010-2012

Department: Residence Life

Job Duties: When you were drunk off your ass and realized you lost your key at that awesome toga party on the weekend your roommate/suite-mates were out of town/incapacitated elsewhere, I was all that stood between you and the unalloyed glory of unlocking your door and passing out on your bed—before the desk closed at 3am, that is.

Awesome Unemployed Person, non-consecutive dates

Department: Pajamas All Day

Job Duties: Obsessed over job descriptions and font size of resume, practiced answering stock interview questions while pretending my dog was the interviewer

Student Library Minion, 2012-2014

Department: Dewey or L.C.? That is the Question.

Job Duties: General library awesomeness, getting lost in Perry Castaneda Library A LOT, discovering I don’t want to be a librarian

Bookseller/Retail Champion, 2014-2015

Department: I Like Big Books and I Cannot Lie

Job Duties: Counting cash LIKE A BOSS, cleaning up after gross people LIKE A BOSS, trying to hide my disillusionment with the retail industry LIKE A BOSS, making the occasional book recommendation (the highlight of any day) LIKE A BOSS, mentally shopping while re-shelving books LIKE A BOSS

Professional Skills:

  • Window Mural Painting
  • Last-minute skit writing
  • Amateur Choreography
  • Christmas Carol Singing
  • Mopping with one of those super old-fashioned mops
  • Getting credit cards to work on Verifone card swiping machines
  • Listening to angry customers/residents/parents without rolling my eyes
  • Determining when a key is just too bent to work properly
  • Scaring the crap out of unsuspecting Philosophy students as they crawl into the library at 8am with just a simple “Good morning.”
  • Bulletin board decorating
  • Book stamping
  • Telling kids (and sometimes adults, for shame) not to run or play or sit on the escalators
  • Checking for counterfeit bills

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Two Epic Heroines and the Ethics of Care

The Hunger Games trilogy is a fantastic ride, filled with
heartfelt emotion and heart-pumping excitement, but it’s also
a journey of moral development. Along with Katniss, we grow
into a deeper understanding of the complexity of morality and
moral reasoning. Experiencing Katniss’s trials, we come to
recognize that sometimes the answers to ethical questions are
more complicated than the one-size-fits-all answers offered by
the impartial morality of the justice perspective. Above all, we
must follow Katniss’s example of cherishing our memories of
natural caring and letting them instill in us the ideal of ethical
caring. In that way, we prepare ourselves to answer the cry of
a world that’s hungry for people who care.

Averill, Lindsey Issow.“Sometimes the World Is Hungry for People Who Care: Katniss and the Feminist Care Ethic.” The Hunger Games and Philosophy. Ed. Dunn, George A. and Nicolas Michaud. 175-6.
Hunger Games Philosophy
In addition to having read this chapter in The Hunger Games and Philosophy, which discusses Katniss and the ethics of care, I also recently applied the ethics of care to Daenerys Targaryen of George R.R. Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire series. Because both series are wonderful, and Katniss and Daenerys are some of my favorite fictional heroines, I thought I would take some time to discuss my thoughts on them here–in relation to the ethics of care.
What is it about Katniss and Dany that make them both such marvelous heroines? My theory is that one of the reasons why readers find these ladies irresistible not to root for, is because they are deeply caring, humanistic characters who adhere to the ethics of care.
 
katniss
Yes, Katniss may be a bit rough around the edges and have a difficult time expressing her emotions and understanding her own feelings. Yes, Daenerys might occasionally breathe fire. But at their core, they truly care about the people that inhabit their world, most especially the people they consider their family. Averill argues that Katniss moves from the act of natural caring (caring for our family and people who are very close to us) to ethical caring, which is applying that natural care to people who are perhaps tangential in our lives, people on the periphery, or people who are suffering that we have never met before. It is very obvious that Dany makes this sort of progress as well. She begins not just to care for her family (her dragons and her khalasar), but also for the Unsullied soldiers who follow her, and ultimately for the masses of slaves that she frees.
dany
Katniss and Dany are both protectors–both mothers, in their own way. Katniss continually grows to extend her care to all the people of Panem–even people of the Capitol (once considered wasteful, frivolous, and overly privelaged) as Dany extends her care to all slaves (even though a slave women was the original cause of losing her husband and unborn child). Both Katniss and Dany are fierce in their caring–and we love them all the more for being so. There is a lot more the ethics of care that I’m not covering here.
For more reading on the ethics of care, see the very helpful article below:

Held, V. (2008). Gender identity and the ethics of care in globalized society. In R. Whisnant & P. DesAutels (Eds.), Global Feminist Ethics (pp. 43-57). Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield.

Also see my thoughts on Daenerys’ care ethics and the privacy of minors (for my Information Ethics course last semester):

Daenerys and the Ethics of Care

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January 28, 2014 · 10:31 pm

The Ultimate Friendship Playlist–By Molly and Stephanie

This is a playlist to commemorate the friendship of Stephanie and me! We created this list together. Some of these songs describe us, but most are just songs we’ve had great times too, or were our favorites for the 6+ hour journey from Nacogdoches to San Antonio and back again….

Can’t believe that five and a half years ago we met at SFA!

Here’s to us!

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Lollipop–Framing Hanley
(we listened to this song how many times on our road trips???)
500 Miles (I’m Gonna Be)–The Proclaimers  (Our ultimate road trip song)
How Do You Do–Cascada
You Belong With Me–Taylor Swift
Ye Jacobites–Eddi Reader (For our journey through the Scottish Highlands and our awesome tour modern day Jacobite tour guide)
Get Low–Lil’ Jon and The Eastside Boyz
Uptown Girls–Billy Joel (Because we’re classy!)
Hanging By a Moment–Lifehouse (Because we went to a free Lifehouse concert…where we could have enlisted in the Army)
Bohemian Rhapsody–Queen (another road trip classic to sing at the very top of our lungs!)
Don’t Stop Believing–Journey (Our love of Glee and 80’s music of course)
We Are Going to Be Friends–The White Stripes (we were destined to be friends)
I’ll Make a Man Out of You–From Mulan (we sing out this song AND re-enact what happens in the movie)
He Lives In You (reprise)–From Lion King the Musical (ran a stop sign doing an interpretive dance to this song….we are AWESOME)
ABC Cafe/Red & Black–From Les Miserables (Because we both love Eddie Redmayne and revolutionary ballads)
Game of Thrones (HBO) Theme Song(almost decided to put the Pillars of the Earth theme song here, but decided instead that Game of Thrones’ theme is more us)
Wild Ones–Flo Rida (BECAUSE WE’RE WILD!!!!! Don’t argue)

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When You Are Old by W. B. Yeats

It doesn’t matter how many times I watch this, I always get goosebumps. Words of poetry are just so beautiful when brought to life by being read aloud. It seems to me that they have even more power that way. I may never truly be a poet, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate (and sometimes envy) the power that poetry has–it’s something separate, something a bit different than prose and fiction.

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Fashioning

Recently I have actually been asked to blog or write an article about my personal fashion sense and my clothes picking/shopping strategies.

I find this surreal and utterly impossible to believe as I own a pair of both Halloween AND Christmas themed striped knee socks and I often use Doctor Who themed pins to cover holes in my blouses. Also, up until I entered the collegiate world, I dressed like this:

High school photo of me

(See y’all, academia is good for more than just improving those book smarts)

 

This one isn’t so bad: I tried to find the picture I have of myself in high school wearing a plaid skirt, fuzzy knee socks, and my Josh Groban concert t-shirt but failed in my search.

So here goes: fashion, fashion, fashion, fashion. What do I think about fashion?

Being a feminist and a socialist, I have read and heard a great deal bemoaning the fashion industry. As a socialist, I have problems with the exploitive pursuits of the fashion industry in terms of some companies’ outsourcing and manufacturing methods and working conditions in developing countries. As a feminist, I have problems with the exploitive pursuits of many of the fashion industry’s advertising campaigns. You shouldn’t have to be half-naked to feel desirable (and besides, unless you live here in South/Central Texas in the summer, it’s really just too chilly for that).

But besides these problems, I’ve also always felt that fashion and those who enjoy expressing themselves through creating their own style, have been unjustly looked down upon. Fashion and those who enjoy fashion have often been labeled as “silly,” or “vapid,” or “vain,” or “shallow.”

And that is not, in my opinion, necessarily the case. Throughout history and most especially in Europe and the United States during the Victorian period, women and men used clothing and accessories to express themselves and their views. Those times were not the most expressive times in terms of speech. Freedom of speech (especially in Britain and Europe, but in the U.S. as well) for women (or even men) was not encouraged. Victorians often used their fashion sense to express some of those feelings they were not allowed to feel or not supposed to feel.

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From the Metropolitan Museum

For me the clearest examples of fashion as self-expression come from the Victorian period (let’s face it–the bustle was meant to accentuate something folks, and it was not necessarily the Angel in the House’s modesty!) But this is really true of all time periods.

Because fashion has been in recent centuries associated with the feminine, I think it has been looked down upon and labeled as silly and shallow. I think anyone with this attitude needs to watch a good, healthy dose of What Not To Wear reruns (Stacy and Clinton are fashionistas, but they are clearly capable of being deeply caring, intellectual human beings).

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This will conclude my quick rant on fashion. Now on, to my own personal style tips.

Here are some fashion/shopping guidelines I live by:

1. If you are buying pants, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS  try them on. Pants are deceiving in nature. Holding them up against your waist to check the length only is not a good way to measure how long they will be on you. Trust me people, I know these things, I’m short.

2. If it has an owl on it, say yes. If it is neon yellow, say no.

3. Avoid stores with too much overhead lighting and obnoxious techno music. It’s best to be chillaxed when picking out clothes, not raving/hyperventilating.

4. Head for the clearance aisle/rack first and then make your way around the rest of the store.

5. To guarantee the most successful shopping trip possible, only shop in one of these circumstances: go when you’ve been dumped, when you’ve dumped someone, when you’re not supposed to be shopping, with friends you haven’t seen in more than two months, or with your Mom (or other close female relative).

6. Shop with no expectations whatsoever. In other words don’t go to the store with an agenda such as: I need to find black pants. Or, I need to find professional clothing. THIS IS A SUREFIRE WAY TO NOT FIND ANY CLOTHING YOU ARE WILLING TO BUY AT ALL. (Note: this ONLY applies for shopping for clothes for oneself; I am usually perfectly able to find something with an agenda if I’m buying gifts–but I mostly do this online.) Go instead with an open mind, an open heart, and more importantly–a very open wallet. Go with the simple thought: I might spend some money on clothing for myself today.

7. Goodwills, salvage, non-profit, and charity clothing shops are the bomb dot com. It’s harder and takes more stamina to rummage through all those aisles of overalls and musty-smelling, velveteen recital dresses from the eighties, but helping other people when you can, even minimally by purchasing something from one of these shops, is always worth it.

 

Now, I will leave you with my style icons below:

 

Audrey Hepburn (The Classiest in Class!)

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Kate Middleton (Obvious)

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Queen Victoria (We are most amused!)

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Magenta from Rocky Horror Picture Show

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Oscar Wilde (No one can pull off a fur coat and pimp cane like he could. NO ONE)

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Rachel Berry of Glee

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The  Pretty Little Liars

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Kiera Knightley in ANY MOVIE

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Stevie Nicks

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and…the finale: my main fashion icon: Zooey Deschanel

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*I just want to note; this blog post is not meant to be scholarly or informed at all. I did not do research to write this and I will not be posting sources to back up my statements/opinions. These are merely my opinions and views that I have gathered throughout my somewhat limited years on this planet earth. Also, all of these pictures were found on a Google image search (except for the one of me of course; Google Molly Miller, and you will get a lot of images of fish….)

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Animal Personalities in Fantasy Novels

Animal Personalities in Fantasy Novels

This summer I completed two fantasy series, The Seven Realms series by Cinda Williams Chima and A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin. Chima’s series is YA and Martin’s is adult. After reading these two series, and having been an avid fantasy (YA and otherwise) reader for many a year, I have really begun to notice the tropes and the novelties of the genre (my favorite genre, and the genre I write fiction in myself). One of the major similarities I’ve really begun to notice and think about is the use of animals to denote character personality traits.
In the Harry Potter series, the four Hogwarts Houses each have an animal to symbolize the key traits of that House (Slytherin, the serpent, accepts students for their “cunning”). As an added bonus, wizards and witches of the Harry Potter world can cast the patronus charm. If it is a corporeal patronus, it will manifest as an animal that has personality traits or great significance tied to the character (for instance, the meaning in Severus Snape’s doe patronus).
believe it or not, this is my desktop background! I love me some lions. House Lannister: Hear me roar!!!!
These animal symbols often aren’t just symbols for the characters to wear on a patch or signs for them to display (such as the House sigils in A Song of Ice and Fire). These assigned animals often manifest themselves in the story and play a great part in the characters’ lives: for example, Raisa (of the Gray Wolf Throne) can see the prophetic gray wolves who are her ancestors, sworn to protect her by giving her warnings.
wolves
Another example would be the significance of Shae constantly calling Tyrion “My lion” (of the Lannister’s sigil), Daenarys’ ability to hatch three (real, non-sigil) dragons from stone, and the serpent Nagini which Voldemort uses as a final horcrux.
dragons
This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot. While I’m sure there is already criticism on this, I think comparing the use of animal personalities in these three series specifically would make for a fascinating paper topic one day. Obviously, these are just loose thoughts and I still have a long way to go before making any major assertions. What animal do you think represents your own personality the most? Post these and any thoughts you might have on this subject–I’d love to hear what you guys think!

My animal is a lion: that makes me House Lannister and Gryffindor. Hear me roar!
gryffindor

(Ps. Just FYI, I was actually asked the question “What animal represents your working personality” in an interview when I was trying to get a job at a clothing store in a mall in high school. My humor was lost on the interviewer when I answered “An animal that can fold sweaters quickly!” I didn’t get the job, but no love lost there…I soon was hired at a bookstore, much more my speed)

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September 10, 2013 · 9:59 pm